Sunday, April 29, 2007
End of my blogdrive era...
Posted at 4/29/2007 4:16:36 pm by zinny
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Friday, April 20, 2007
I saw Kathy's blog and she had posted a series of photos of herself that loops with an unknown sentimental song playing in the background. It could be the song or maybe the photos, it makes me miss her even more. I miss everyone whom I grown up with and I know even if I ever return home, we wouldn't be how we used to be. Is very hard to find friends who is wiling to be there to share your joy and sadness.
At the same time, I am quite reserve about my negativitiy or pessimism towards certain topics.I couldn't talk freely about it. I know I can talk freely to him and I can talk freely to Kathy but there just isn't anytime I can catch up with her. Take care...
Posted at 4/20/2007 9:35:02 pm by zinny
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Monday, April 09, 2007
I have always want to update the blog but each time is either a) internet connection is slow or b) he is looking over my shoulder. He will eventually read it... if he remembers but I can't have him seeing me typing it out, or anyone for the matter. Is a magical process... words appear on the screen without effort.
Counting the number of events that have past since I last updated my blog was ... 1) Chinese New Year 2) Valentines' Day 3) my transition into my work life and of course the most recent one is my birthday. (Yes! I'm 23!) I have meant to blog something about these but I just never got down to. I even try to upload photos but is just too big and too slow, I gave up after a while.
I am always hearing people leaving Melbourne to be reunited with their family. The question I want to ask now is... are we too caught up with what is back home and not see what MIGHT, POSSIBLY happen here? A career, a challenge... something worth staying, afterall, we are all living and working for the future, to move on and not remain in our cradles.
I have yet to meet anyone who is not contemplating of returning home or leaving Melbourne that leads me to accepting the kind of life I will be leading if I were to live here permanently. I wouldn't dare to ask further... I have to come to realise that girlfriends form a very large part of my life but is very sad to know everyone moves on.
Moving back won't be as easy as everyone would have expect. There are still challenges ahead and is most definitely not the best hideout.
Posted at 4/9/2007 5:12:21 pm by zinny
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Sunday, January 14, 2007
On the topic of falling in love...
I don't think falling in love is an easy thing. I most definitely do not think falling in love will occur in a very convenient manner.
While I believe in the "right one", I don't believe in having the "perfectly right one". That is when "fate" plays a role in differentiating the "right ones" from the "wrong ones". I still remain hopeful that everything is possible with determination on the couple's part to overcome every obstacles.
I don't know what is love but if asked whether I am in love, I will answer... perhaps I am. I am romantic and to me, love is such a magical thing there really isn't an appropriate word or form to express it. Is not just some cheesy word that you stamp across in a photoshop-ed photographs, not definitely some cheesy word that you wrote on a beach.
At 3am when you can't sleep, you will contemplate about this question. Hence I have asked someone:
Man U 3 halftime says:
its funny
Man U 3 halftime says:
but what u know will never be love
Man U 3 halftime says:
What anyone thinks is...will never be
Man U 3 halftime says:
LOve is formless
Man U 3 halftime says:
when it comes, i will know
Mona Lisa says:
nice.. i like!
Maybe I am in love... only because I don't know where I have gathered so much patience and effort to think he is still so wonderful even... when he sleeps like a pig and is not even aware that I have left the bed and is typing this entry away.
Posted at 1/14/2007 3:14:28 am by zinny
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Picture says a thousand words
I used to have this little camera that I brought along everywhere I go. I wanted to contain every moment and learn to appreciate the beauty in my simple life. I didn't seem to have this habit anymore. My life seems to stop after my undergraduate years. Unfortunately, I didn't back up many photos and I have crashed my laptop so many times, alot of these photos are lost.
I like "lifeshots", or "moment shots" or "candid shots", not because I want to embarrass my subjects but they tell stories - Unwrapping a present, drinking hot chocolate, struggling to climb up that steep slopes, exchanging knowing glances. The best way to know someone is of course looking at their photos, learning their past, trying to be present at the time of their life when you have yet to enter their life. At the same time, you can still remain indepedent in your judgment about someone's character or personality and not been constrained by someone's else perception or values.
I have stopped taking photos very long time ago (unless is some special occasions). Part of it is perhaps because of inconvenience but mainly because I learnt that what is important to you at that time will continue to live on in you, with photographs or not.
Posted at 1/14/2007 2:51:07 am by zinny
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Thursday, January 04, 2007
Feeling a little afraid and apprehensive on what is to come in this new year. My year hasn't exactly started yet, since I will only start work on 8th Jan. Also, I haven't get to spend my new year with my dear housemate and him. My housemate will be returning tomorrow, I finally have a girlfriend that I can talk to with me.
There is this fear in me when it comes to be with him again. I'm sure everything will be good, I just feel like he is away for too long and when he is away, I reflected alot about us, perhaps not just us, about myself in general.
I realise that there are so many occasions, I do things to to please people around me. While it is true that I am doing it because I also enjoy the activity, but I was so caught up with their appreciation I forgot how fun and soemtimes, rewarding the process was. Hence I should really immerse myself in activities I enjoy, for myself and not for anyone else.
I shouldn't really expect anything from anyone. Aside from work, I want to live a life without expectations.
I feel liberated now.
Posted at 1/4/2007 5:37:57 pm by zinny
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Wednesday, January 03, 2007
There are many times I try to type something on this orange background. Sometimes there are stuff, sometimes is a blank. I have feelings but these are feelings I am unfamiliar with and when I finally figure out what are all these about, I am too afraid to type it out. I was afraid that I will scare him away if he read this or that I will hurt him. Not neccessary negative stuff but just stuff that could be overly-passionate and as time went by, the feelings might have already dissolved or engraved in me that I don't even realise is there.
I am a simple girl, who has no big ambition in life. I am always happy and satisfied because I am always well-provided, which could also explain why I have not much ambition in life. That doesn't mean that I dream of becoming a housewife and spend my husband's wealth. In fact, I think it is such an unfair statement for all the housewife in the world. My mum is a housewife and I could not understand all her fuss about ironing and giving us fresh clothes all the time. Until one day, she told me she just wanted us to feel "comfortable". Maybe I have being "clean and fresh" growing up, I do feel a compromise now that I don't get fresh pyjamas everynight - I just want to save some water.... All right, I only do my laundry once a week. I begin to understand her intuition, intuitively - is not something I could explain by words, is something that only come to you only when it wants to - when I saw him, so helpless in his cooking and his room.
I learnt alot this few months. I have to go through the agonizing process of finding a job, scaring myself so much, planting so much doubts and negative thoughts, but I was blessed that this job somehow landed on my lap out of no where.
I have also learn what a relationship really means. While I have never envision relationship to be like having moonlight dinners - i remember this was the first words he accuse me of - I didn't expect myself to be so emotionally attached and sensitive all over.
They say during the festive season, you will miss your family the most. Perhaps I don't have the habit of spending Christmas and New Year with my family, plus the fact that I just saw them, but these 2 weeks, I miss my girlfriends in Singapore/Malaysia the most. I have missed the very rare gatherings where everyone will get together and it happens almost like once a year.
Perhaps if Santa Clause really exist, I wish that I can have my family and girlfriends with me once a month for the rest of my life no matter where I am.
Posted at 1/3/2007 11:15:34 pm by zinny
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I like days like this, where I get to sleep in for more than 10 hours. I woke up and I start cleaning the place. It's being ages since I do any cleaning. :D Days past by really slowly and I too move at the same turtle pace. Before I know it, its night time and I will hit the bed.
I used to look forward to night time where I can chat with him but in so many occasions, it just seems hard. He is always out or having his family time. It was really disappointing and I have to admit there are so many times where I feel like why is he not here? Then I start to feel like everything seems to be half-hearted. All I got is a helpless msn shrug that I can't even see or feel. Eventually I gave up looking forward to any of these stuff and learn to be by myself.
These few months, with and without him is not easy but I know he tries to make things easy for me, which I truly appreciate. There are times he could not see my perspectives and I am at a loss of words to reason with him for he could not understand the language I speak in. And when we try to reason things out, I would accidentally inflict some of my hurtful thoughts on him. I feel really so sorry after that.
I remember telling someone that a beautiful relationship is a result of the efforts two people pour into. I think he was chuckling at the other end when I said that. I suppose there are times even when both parties are pouring in there are still forces beyond our control that just made everything seems so half-heartedly.
Oh well... nothing in the world is easy. He is still wonderful and perfect for me. :)
Posted at 1/3/2007 2:48:05 pm by zinny
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Monday, January 01, 2007
My new year resolution is that I will be able to live a rich and fulfiling life with this humble amount of salary I am going to earn, which... I am still not sure how much would that be. I am still waiting for my boss to draft up the employment contract.
Is not an ambitious goal, is not the take over the world kind... is a very humble goal.
Anyhow, ever since I started earning, everything seems to be extra expensive, is almost like i'm this small person in this really big world where i don't have the strength to life up anything... because I'm just too small.
But money is not the everything that can make me happy. I am still happy. :D
Happy New Year!
Posted at 1/1/2007 6:18:15 pm by zinny
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Wednesday, December 27, 2006
I understand that you have to watch cricket
I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket I understand that you have to watch cricket
.... I don't!!!!! hungry.... :(
Posted at 12/27/2006 12:48:16 am by zinny
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